Grief and the Grocery Store

I have done a lot of study and reading through the years about grief.  There are resources about certain triggers for grief, times of day that are harder than others, occasions and events that magnify the loss. Going to church is a common challenge for those that are grieving.  Nobody talks about grief in the grocery store.  Ironically, that is one of the many places where I am reminded of my own grief and the grief of others.  

My most vivid memory of grief and the grocery store was when my mother was in our home during the last weeks of her life.  I would go through the store in search of something she might potentially want to eat.  My focus would not be on the list of things I needed but the desire to see something that would possibly bring pleasure to my mom.  The check out line was the worst.  The clerk would methodically scan all my items, make small talk, and bag my groceries as if nothing unusual was happening.  Inside, I would think, “Don’t you know my world is turning upside down?  How can you treat me just the same as always, when I feel totally different inside?”  Of course, she was completely unaware and in my reasonable, cognitive my mind I knew it.  In spite of my rationalizing,  those feelings were swelling inside and I can still remember them.  After my dad died, I had a similar experience.  I felt amiss not going through the store looking for items that would supply the quarts and quarts of homemade soup that I made for him for years. The clerk checked me out of the line, the same way she always had, even on the day that he died.  I marveled inside, how she could smile so easily when it was such an effort for me that day?

The grocery store is also the place where I am often reminded that Kirk and I are nearing the “empty nest” stage in life.  Whereas there was a time that I never went to the grocery store without picking up 5 gallons of milk, now a gallon seems to last forever.  I remember going through the line and having the checkout person excitedly comment when I was buying baby food and diapers.  Nobody says anything now that I am buying a couple sweet potatoes instead of bags of chips. 

When I worked for hospice, it seemed that the grocery store was one of the places that I would bump into someone that I had met when their family member was ill and dying.  My kids wondered why it always took me so long at the store to pick up just a few items. Often, I would have spent the majority of time visiting with someone I met in the aisles and hadn’t seen since the intense days they had spent at hospice.  Now I have an even greater appreciation of what was happening.  Grief in the grocery store - it happens.  

Oh, and by the way, I bumped into somebody from church a couple of weeks ago in the grocery store.  Guess what we talked about?  We talked about transitional times in life and letting go of things - grief in the grocery store.  There are so many different losses that can show up in unusual ways and in unexpected places.  So, if it ever happens that you find yourself grieving while you are pushing a cart through the store, it is okay.  You are not alone.  And, if sometime we happen to bump into each other in an aisle, well, I know that grief happens in the grocery store.