Who's got the wheel?

Control is a tough issue.  So many controversies in life can be reduced to the simple struggle -  Who is in charge?  We spend a lot of effort trying to be in charge of people and situations that are beyond our scope.  Of course the easy answer is, “God is in control, not me.” Ha!  How easy that is to say and how much harder it is to live.  But I wonder - is God always in control and if so how much and in what way?   What does control look like for an omnipotent, omnipresent, omniscient God? 

My daughter,  Hope, and I made a quick trip in and out of Chicago in less than 24 hours.  She had an interview for an internship with a non-profit organization that promotes literacy for urban children.  Since she will be driving herself back and forth to college this year, I decided that it would be a good idea to have her drive in to Chicago.

Now, driving in Chicago is always stressful but after going to school, living and working there for about 10 years, I am fairly confident that I know what to do.  Sitting in the passenger seat, with Hope as the driver, was a new kind of stress.  With all the traffic, speed, and uncertainty around us, I wasn’t in control - she was.  She is a good driver but I had to trust her to make proper choices quickly.  My role was to be in charge of my reactions to her - (always a challenge)  I tried hard to be a supportive mother - to sit still, smile, and quietly nod directions when asked.  It would have been much easier to be the one doing the driving but she needed to do this and I was glad to be with her.  

I couldn’t help but wonder if sometimes God, the good parent, is also in this position in our lives.  We wish we could just raise our hands and sing, “Jesus, take the wheel,”  and maybe that would be easier, but much of the time we really are in the driver’s seat of our lives.  Rather than being in complete control of every decision we make, God is with us saying, “Go ahead and drive but remember that I am right here alongside of you for the ride.”  

Anniversary thoughts

Yesterday, Kirk and I celebrated our 26th wedding anniversary.  We were married when we were 25, so that means that this year marks the tipping point - I have been a married woman longer than I was a single person. 


In my early adult life, I expected that I would be a single missionary living with a cat.  Instead,  I have two cats, a dog, a husband and 4 children.  I guess we never know what life will give us.  It is so much better than the original life I had imagined but with a whole different set of challenges.  This anniversary has given me reason to reflect on two topics that have consumed much of my thought process these days: aging and relationships. 

Joan Chittister comments on growing old gracefully in her book, The Gift of Years. “At its core, life is not about things, it is about relationships.  It is the hands we go on holding in our hearts at the end that define the kind of life we have led.  Our relationships determine the quality of life as we have known it.  They show us the face of God on Earth.  They are, too, what batter our hearts into the feelings of life.” 

As we age, the more precious our relationships can be - not just spouses, but also friends, acquaintances, family members, classmates.  At the same time, they are more fragile.  I was maid of honor in Marie and Al’s wedding.  Marie was my matron of honor.  This summer Al died without warning of a heart attack.  His funeral was held on their 33rd wedding anniversary.  My dear childhood friend is now a widow.  I guess we never know what life will give us.

Chittister continues, “When the relationships we forge as we go begin to disappear, our own life changes.  We know then what it is to be abandoned, to be a little less impervious to feeling than we thought we were.  Now it is not things we need, it is understanding we crave.  It is understanding that draws us out of ourselves into the earthenware vessel of new life.” 


It seems to me that in all stages of life, not just the second half, we crave understanding.  Perfect understanding, perfect love comes from God who knew us and formed us in our mother's womb.  Jesus walked this earth, understanding human vulnerabilities and sufferings.  For better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, God's grace surpasses understanding.  What an amazing gift.  

Where the wind blows

A few months ago, I came across the books of author, Kent Nerburn.  He writes about spirituality and is particularly recognized for his works on Native American wisdom. What initially peaked my curiosity is that he lives in Bemidji, Minnesota, the town where I grew up.  Although we have never met, I imagined a kindred spirit with an appreciation of the north woods and Christianity.   This week, I picked up one of his books at the library and wasn’t disappointed.  

The Hidden Beauty of Everyday Life is one of those books that can be a quick read in one sitting or can be savored by reflection one short chapter at a time.  With the eye of an artist and a poet’s soul, Nerburn takes moments in everyday life and frames them as testimonies to the sacred.  In the prologue, he tells a story about a windy day and relates it to Jesus’ words to Nicodemus in the Gospel of John. “The wind blows wherever it pleases.  You hear its sound, but you cannot tell where it comes from or where it is going.  So it is with everyone born of the Spirit.” (John 3:8)  In stories of ordinary experiences, Nerburn encourages us to keep our hearts open to the winds of God’s whispers in our lives.  “It is not important that we know from whence they come or to where they are going, or even if we give them a name.  All we need to know is that the moments of love, of caring, of the unprotected human heart, whenever we encounter them, are the voice of the spirit, blowing like the wind through our everyday lives.  Our task in life is to hear that voice, and to make of each day a prayer that bears witness to its presence.” (pg. 18)

The wind is blowing here today.  I hope it is for you, too.

Creation and Recreation

It seems to me that when I was growing up the 11th commandment from my parents was, “waste not - want not.”  As depression era adults, they were not only savers but also environmentalists.   Everything had potential value,  if not obvious intrinsic value. Living simply, frugally off the land as much as possible was one way to honor God and creation.  

Today, I put up a batch of watermelon rind pickles, taking the parts of a watermelon that I might otherwise discard and turning them into the sweet pickles I remember as a child.  The kitchen faucets are adorned with assorted plastic bags that I have rinsed out to use again.  Scrap pieces of board serve as cooling racks.  Yesterday,  I picked some chokecherries, bitter little berries that grow wild in northern Minnesota but can be turned in to a wonderful jelly.  An ice cream pail made a great bucket and my hat worked for the overflow.  There is something satisfying about enjoying the wonders of what God has given us in creation and taking time to not only appreciate it but to make the most out of it.  I guess those family values are still with me but they also remind me of how God must see each of us.

We worship a God who is always recycling, re-purposing, renewing us.  God sees our intrinsic value and potential worth even when it isn't obvious to us.  Each day we are re-purposed to share God's love.  We are never discarded or used up.  Instead, God our creator has called us to re-create - to take what is given to us and make the most of it, to celebrate simplicity in the midst of a complex world.

Fill'er Up, Lord!

The week before I started sabbatical,  I was driving to a home visit when I saw that my gas indicator was on.  I remembered that it had been at least a couple of days that I had been driving around on empty.  There was no time to stop at a station without being late so I just drove on hoping that I wouldn't run out of gas before I reached my destination.  I made it and had a delightful visit.   On the way back to church I reflected on how much I would miss seeing people while I was on sabbatical.  Then, I remembered my gas tank, again.
Sabbatical feels a lot like pulling in to the gas station.  Sometimes, I can get so preoccupied with going from place to place, activity to activity, that I put off doing the most important things that keep me going.  Every once in awhile we need to stop and fill up the tank.  Sure,  it is possible to keep on running on low, even empty, without missing a thing.  But there are times when I wonder if I really have the depth of resources I need to keep on giving or if it is just some fumes.   Fortunately, we have an eternal source of love and grace.   This week my prayer has been, "Fill'er up, Lord!"

Sabbatical Seasonings

I am fortunate to serve a church that encourages pastors to take a sabbatical.  A sabbatical is primarily a time for rest and renewal - a time to spend time with family and to reflect, pray and rejuvenate in a variety of ways.  I also hope that my sabbatical will be a time to explore.  One of my goals it to explore more uses of the internet and social networking in church ministry.  I am especially interested in seeing how today's tools might enable us to better connect to each other, to the church, and to the life of faith.  I have considered many different options already but my first attempt is to blog.  During my sabbatical it will serve two purposes: to explore and to think.

When reviewing ways to make my job performance better each year during my annual evaluation with Pastor Jim, I usually come around to saying some version of,  "If I just had more time to think, I could do my job better."  This sabbatical is just such a gift - time to think.  Yet, it is such a wonderful gift that I want to share it.  So many people really deserve/need a sabbatical in their jobs and don't have one.    I am so fortunate.  I don't intend to bore you with details of where I am or what I am doing during sabbatical.  It is not very impressive.  Rather, I want to share with you what I am thinking about and maybe, just maybe - even though you are not on sabbatical -  you will find some time to think, too.