God Provides in Unexpected Ways

Today is one of those days that is a testimony to how God gives us what we need, even when we don’t know what it is and haven’t asked for it.

Ten years ago today my mother died.  For the last year, I have thought from time to time about what this day might mean.  Three months ago, I decided I would spend it just like any other Saturday with some usual responsibilities but then plans shifted and I ended up with the day completely free.  I took that as I sign that I ought to be more intentional about marking the day. I needed some internal and external work done.  This week I decided I would clean the attic.  It seemed fitting.  My mom was always trying to get organized and get rid of things but had a hard time actually getting it done - a trait that I definitely inherited.  It would be a fine way to remember her and accomplish some needed work.  I would also spend time journaling and trying to process some of the emotions and regrets that I associate with being a daughter and a mother.   I had it planned. I was going to do what I thought I needed to do.

And then things started to happen. I was swept up by relationships and gratitude in unexpected ways. 

Yesterday, two dear friends came to town and we spent the afternoon talking about life - theirs and mine.  I laughed as only I can do when I am with them.  After they left, I remembered that 10 years ago they brought supper to our house as my mother lay dying in the next room.  One of them came back to sit with my mom so I could get some sleep and just before I was going to take my shift at midnight she woke me up to come downstairs and be with my mother as she took her last breaths in the new day’s  dawning.  That kind of bond and friendship is unique.  They had no idea of the significance of yesterday  but I was so grateful that they were there to share it with me.

While I wanted to hide away today, I thought it would be good to start the Saturday as I usually do with the only parents I have in this world - my in-laws. Our weekly breakfast ironically turned in to a celebration of what it means to be family as “slakt to slakt” (Swedish for clan to clan) connections were confirmed.  At the other end of the table,  I sat next to the man who provided pastoral care for my mother in her last months and was there as support to me when both my parents died.  He did not know the significance of the day but I quietly gave thanks to God for all the ways he has been present to care for those in need, including me.  He and his wife are family to me.

This morning our daughter unexpectedly showed up at the house with tulips and pussy willows.   I cried, as only I can do when I am with her.  She got up early and drove for hours in order to spend a few hours with me on a hard day.  We talked, we shopped, we ate Taco Tico - all the things we do as mother and daughter.  She even helped me sort the attic.  When she left I realized that perhaps all the self loathing and regrets I had anticipated to pour out in my journaling were maybe not as bad as it had seemed at the beginning of the week.  I am not perfect but I am forgiven.  I am not enough but who I am is enough.

Tonight our son and his wife showed up unexpectedly for supper.  They were passing through and when they found out the significance of the day they decided to stop.  It was a delight to see them and celebrate how our family has enlarged in the years since my mother’s death.  She would be so delighted in her new grandchildren.  They would have been loved by a woman who had so much love to give.  

Intentionally or unintentionally, I received blessings beyond my anticipation or control.  I did not know what I needed today.  I thought I had it figured out but the Holy Spirit provided in ways beyond my imagination.  Thanks be to God for the gifts of family and friends in joy and in sorrow.